Fourth Thursday

So, two days ago, Google released "Google Buzz," Google's (insecure) response to basically every social networking site. It basically removes all reason to leave Gmail. I don't know if I like it yet, but as with every social networking site, eventually, it'll be my thang-thang (That sounded sexual).

So, lets be real: What HASN'T Google taken over? They run the e-mail game, they run the online file-sharing game, they run the online collaboration game, Picasa is quickly taking over the photo-sharing game, its search engine was so popular that it never needed advertising until THIS YEARS SUPERBOWL (I'll write about that depressing commercial and why I don't fucks with Google's search engine anymore late. One word: Marriage.) Google runs most of the technological world now...

...except for the spaces run by Apple.

When I'm not online, I'm listening to my iPod. Everybody beats me over the head with their Macbooks and their iMacs and shit. iTunes is closer to having a fully functional browser integrated into its programming, iPod has replaced the term "mp3" player, now there's the damned iPad. Oh, even though Andriod is like, the shit, the iPhone still runs phones. (If only Att could win an Advertising war, huh?)

Between Apple and Google, most bases are covered...but there are places in the future that they can battle it out over:

1) GoogleBlock: Have someone who keeps contacting you through, well, anything? Google has a API for that. First, it searches all information on the person you need to block. Then it blocks their internet access and when they walk outside to stalk you, they run into a "Verizon-posse" type group that keeps them away from you. Where my Stalked people at? (I could have used this before I started getting messages about people picturing my fuckin children...*shudder*)

2) iForgot: Forgot the song you were looking for? Want your computer program to act as lost as you so you don't feel so bad about it? iForgot has your back. You'll punch in the 2 words or hum the off-key version you think is right and it responds just like your friends: Vaguely. "Yo, you remember that song that went...er..."don't hurt...yea?" "Oh, you mean that one song?" "Yea, that song, what's it called." "Dawg, I really don't remember, but it's a dope track." "Word. Ugh, it's on the tip of my tongue." "Why not google the lyrics?"

3) GoogleSoul: So, you're in a chatroom...wait, who the hell uses chatrooms? Okay, you're on facebook, chatting with that one MF you REALLY don't like. They say something that, although isn't wrong, incites an undue wrath...or they put up a picture that looks like five platypuses making eggs on shoulders. You wanna be ignorant, but you don't know if it's okay. Ask GoogleSoul. It can either council you out of your decision...or do the roasting for you. (I could really use this)

4) iHoe: Sometimes, you need to cheat. Badly. Let's be real, you'll get tired of the same vagina or same dick if you see it every flippin day. We need variety...and our significant others are too selfish to understand this. (Silly, right?) That's what the iHoe is for. By subscribing to Apple's iHoe, you create the iHoe of your dreams, have them delivered, and get to beatin. When finished, it plays soothing music to put you to sleep. Don't worry, it doesn't talk )for you fellas who crave efficiency.) I know, what if my girl walks in? Well, show her the Apple Logo and the catchy theme music that plays when you stroke her clickwheel. (Random: Can you imagine a touchscreen clitoris?) Have your significant other join in. It's not nasty! It's Apple!

(I think the iHoe is already out. I know a few.)

Now, seeing as how I'm marketingly challenged, I can only think of 4 things. What's everyone else got? What does an iGoogle world look like to you?